I was a chronic alcoholic for over thirty years. I was what some would call a "functional" alcoholic. I worked hard, never missed work, never showed up drunk. Growing up, I was constantly beaten up on, humiliated and made fun of by my own family members. As an adult I was closed up, rarely spoke, afraid of everyone, and felt desperately alone. I used alcohol, sex, and spending money to fill the void.
Over the years, the alcohol use dominated my life, I planned my day around it and thought I couldn't live without it. My drinking progressed to the point that I abandoned a lifetime career that I loved, I found myself in the aftermath of a loveless abusive relationship, I was losing my home, I no longer had any friends and I was financially bankrupt.
Towards the end, my body couldn’t tolerate the alcohol anymore. I was in and out of emergency rooms on a regular basis and then in and out of psychiatric wards. I tried all the A. A. 's, 12 step treatment programs, rehabs, and sober homes.
I was finally at my lowest point. I was drunk and sitting on the couch contemplating another attempt at suicide. I actually felt as if the devil was sitting at my side trying to help me figure out the best way to do it. Suddenly my mind shifted toward God. I started praying and asking God to take me back. I was telling God how sorry I felt for all the wasted years. Every memory of my life involved either being drunk or hung over. I had rejected God because of the abuse of others. I felt the desire to go back to living a Christian way of life.
After making that prayer, I guess I blacked out and the next thing I knew I was in the hospital. A chaplain came by the room. He was probably just making his daily rounds. I will never forget how peaceful and gentle his eyes were. All of a sudden I yelled out, "I'm so sorry, I've despaired in God, I've rejected him from my life, I'm so sorry!"
The next thing I remember was that the chaplain had his hand on my shoulder and we were praying together. I asked God for forgiveness and accepted Jesus Christ back into my life. I think that was the most powerful experience I have ever felt in my life. It was as if all the burden of my past went before my eyes, and now I had a clean slate -a fresh start. A weight was lifted off of me. I could actually feel God's presence in and around me.
When I was ready to leave the hospital, I had no place to go. My case worker offered me some options and I said I wanted to find a Christian Rehab program. I didn't want to do anymore A.A. type programs. He told me, "I have the place for you, here let me call the pastor."
That afternoon, I was at the door of a Christian Rehab Home for Men and Women. We pray together every day. We study and discuss God's Word. We receive the guidance and counseling of the pastor and his wife and learn about what it is to live a Christian lifestyle.
Life still has its struggles and ups and downs but I can actually feel Jesus presence at my side and I know that he's there for me to give me strength. I have the desire to grow in that relationship and build on it. I now walk contented in the light of day instead of hiding in the darkness of addiction and back alleys.
All of this came from a sincere moment's prayer I made that day while sitting on the couch. When you genuinely invite God into your life -He will respond!
salm 95:7-8 "For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His flock. Today if you would only hear His voice! Harden not your heart..."
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation; The old has gone, the new has come!
2Corinthians5:17
